05 June 2008

Field Trip

When I woke up this morning I thought for sure God had finally taken stock of His planet and decided to wipe us off the face of the earth once and for all, because outside my bedroom window the heavens had burst and the streets were drenched with the promise of a new day for the non-wicked.

But, no. As it worked out, it was pretty much the same crappy day it always is, just a little wetter.

The only thing different about today was that we had a field trip at work, in which we piled into vans and cars and boats and airplanes - well, vans and cars, anyway - and drove down to a place where various suppliers of food ingredients had set up booths to demonstrate their wares and seduce us with the magical qualities that they, and they alone, are able to provide.

Yes, sure. Magical, my ass. Everybody claims to have the magic bullet that will solve all your problems and fulfill all your needs, but nothing ever really works out that way in the realm I like to call The Real World. But let 'em go ahead and keep promising things they can't possibly deliver, because that wasn't the true point of this expo. Hell, no. The real point of the expo was free booze.

Say what you will, but there are definite benefits to working for an Irish company, first and foremost being the fact that alcoholism is not considered a disease, but rather a prerequisite for advancement within the company. Secondly, we have a big pot of gold at the end of a rainbow somewhere.

There are drawbacks, too, however, such as the fact that our competitors are always after our Lucky Charms, but mostly we are either too drunk to notice, or too drunk to care.

After milling about and pretending to be impressed by the things our suppliers came to tout, we sat through a mind numbingly dull presentation by one of our own (which, while boring, was at least short) and then the real reason for leaving work early was upon us: Open Bar.

And it was a decent sort of bar; the kind with top shelf liquor instead of the crap Hawkeye and BJ distilled in their tent, or what Bubba mixed up in the shed behind the shed he lived in with his twelve chilluns and three-legged dog. This only helped everybody who remained in the hall after the official event has ended to show off their advancement potential to best effect.

When it became clear that nobody was handing out vice presidencies in exchange for a little buzz, we decided to take leave of that foul place, and head on out to sushi. The best thing about that was that we managed to sweep up in our wake a salesman from one of our suppliers. This is most excellent because this means... Free Dinner!

We ordered ridiculous amounts of sushi, several hot sakes, and some beer, and we ate and drank and laughed and - well, quite frankly, it was a much better time than I am accustomed to, and now I am really sleepy. Really, really sleepy. I blame my management potential, which is a whole lot more gin than tonic. (And this, people, is why you tip your bartender generously.)

So before I devolve into typing a bunch of gibberish, I am going to hit the sack. Maybe tomorrow I will have something real to say.

As for tonight - leave my Lucky Charms alone. You feckers are always after me Lucky Charms!

DISCLAIMERS:
My company does not endorse drinking to excess.
Alcoholism is a serious disease.
There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Bubba's dog has four legs.
Nobody is even remotely interested in my Lucky Charms.

The Last Five:
I heard it on the radio - 27 July 2008
Happiness is... - 26 July 2008
Do bears shit in the woods? - 21 July 2008
Politics schmoliticks - 14 July 2008
words and pictures - 14 July 2008

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