Mish-Mash
I would like to share with you now a potpourri of fragrant little morsels:
E-mails I have received!
Permale invites me to erase the memories of my failures, and experience new heights in pleasure in bed with my brand new pecker!
And she's probably right. I have one hell of a pecker! Look - my pecker even made it to the cover of Cosmo. Already the memories of my failures are being erased!
Woodus peckerus.
Falkie (aka Mrs. Carmelita Mehta) writes on behalf of Mr. Andrew Stefano, CEO of Exxon Mobil Coperation (sic) to let me know that they have good news for me in their UK office, but that due to official/privacy reasons, she cannot give me the good news now, so I should contact Mr. Stefano himself by email at andrew-stefano08@live.com.
But hang on a minute... I thought Rex Tillerson was CEO of Exxon Mobil Corporation? I guess the security on this good news I'm about to receive is so tight they have to use aliases! How exciting!
I wonder what the news will be? Perhaps the loan I applied for so I can fill my tank with gas has been approved? That would be good news!
Or maybe they're finally going to make good on their offer to wet my pecker. My poor pecker got all greased up in the Exxon Valdez oil spill, and it has been difficult for it to get any traction... it just keeps slip sliding all over the place. So if they're finally giving my pecker the scrubbing it deserves, that would definitely be good news.
This is not a woodpecker, but it is oily.
Thomas Berdelle writes to inform me that my email address emerged as one of the successful chosen reciepient (sic) of $1,000,000.00 United States Dollars by Ecowas (Economic Community of West African States) Donations 2008 in Abuja, Nigeria!
First of all, scheming Nigerians have given that country such a bad name that if I were to receive an email from a Nigerian saying, "Good morning," I would seriously doubt first that it was good, and second that it was even morning. And yet they expect me to believe that they're just giving away money, for no reason, just out of the goodness of their hearts?
I don't know. Although he does seem sincere...
Would you trust this man?
And second of all... well, damn it, he sure does seem sincere!
More Science News!
Some scientists over at MIT have concluded (in what seems like a no-brainer) that what we eat can affect our intelligence. Dietary nutrients found in a wide range of foods from infant formula to eggs increase brain synapses and improve cognitive abilities.
They conducted a study in which one set of gerbils were given various combinations of three compounds needed for healthy brain membranes: choline, found in eggs; uridine monophosphate (UMP) found in beets; and docosahexaenoic acid (DHA), found in fish oils, while a second set of gerbils were fed those little green pellets that contain none of these nutrients but which seem to delight gerbils nonetheless. Then they were checked for cognitive changes four weeks later.
The gerbils given choline with UMP and/or DHA showed definite cognitive improvements.
"Now that we know how to make gerbils smarter," said moonbat Gerald Weissmann, MD, "it's not too far a stretch to hope that people's intelligence can also be improved." He added, "Quite frankly, this can't happen soon enough, as every environmentalist, advocate of evolution and war opponent will attest." Great. A race of intelligent gerbils.
Desert rats and moonbats.
Hide your children!
Gerbils - left-leaning liberal hippy desert rats.
Other!
Some guy at work sent out a meeting request for a conference call tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow.
July 4th. Independence Day. The birth of our nation.
You know what that means, don't you?
He's a terrorist!!!
Looks like it's time to dust off the old waterboard.
You don't fuck with a guy's day off or the backyard BBQ and fireworks! It's unAmerican! Other don'ts include: pulling on Superman's cape, spitting into the wind, pulling the mask off the ol' Lone Ranger, and messing around with Jim.
I heard it on the radio - 27 July 2008
Happiness is... - 26 July 2008
Do bears shit in the woods? - 21 July 2008
Politics schmoliticks - 14 July 2008
words and pictures - 14 July 2008
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What's that you say? You came here looking for the Old Navy carolers because you just can't get enough of that hot little Blonde?Despair not, little buckaroo, for by merely clicking here, you will unleash a bounty of pictures and links to the musical extravaganza that is the Old Navy Ads.
And don't feel that you must rush off. Please, feel free to grab a coffee and hang out a while. You can watch me losing my mind. Fun for the whole family.
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