30 May 2008

Truth in advertising

And now, a brief interlude just to illustrate that I am the same miserable bastard I've always been despite a lost year and more happiness than I've ever known:

I was sitting at home watching television tonight and an advertisement for IHOP (or some damned QSR) came on that asked, "If sirloin isn't the king of steaks, then why is it the only one you have to call 'Sir'?"

What kind of bullshit argument is that? Sure, you might call a king 'Sir' (but only after having addressed him by the honorific 'Your Royal Highness,' first.) However, you'd also address a prince or a knight as 'Sir.' Pulling a sword from a rock indicates that you are a king; being called Sir does not. Besides, meat isn't governed by monarchical rule. Meat more or less subscribes to a system of anarcho-primitivism. (Everyone knows that!) There is no King of Meat. (And no, Burger King isn't a real king.)

And as long as I'm on the subject, sirloin doesn't get its name because it was once knighted by King Henry VIII, either. It was never knighted, not by anyone. Ever. This is merely a running gag used repeatedly by some of history's greatest political comedians.

Thomas Fuller originated the joke back in 1655 with Henry VIII as the idiot king who knights beef. (Henry VIII was a favorite subject of Fuller's standup act. Who can forget this classic schtick: "Henry VIII? Have you seen the guy lately? Looks like he VIII and VIII and VIII! The guy's insatiable, I tell you! Just the other day he knighted a side of beef, two suckling pigs, and a trough of baked beans. Did you catch his wedding to Jane Seymour? Only 11 days after Anne Boleyn got the axe! The body wasn't even cold yet! His wedding toast was special: 'I told that bitch Anne she'd give me head, one way or the other!' Thank you! You've been a great audience! I'm here all week! Tip your waiters!")

The fact that Henry VIII had died 108 years before Fuller's act just goes to show what a big pussy Fuller actually was. He should have been poking fun of Oliver Cromwell, instead.

Jonathan Swift recycled the joke in 1731, except the butt of the joke this time was King James the First. (And yes, Swift was kinda yeller, too, considering that James I died 106 years prior.) And then in 1822, William Kitchiner in The Cook's Oracle attributed this tomfoolery to Charles the Second. Same joke over and over again. Talk about beating a dead horse.

But, of course, none of it is true. So why is it called sirloin? It comes from the French sur loigne, which translates to "above the loin" and is just about as dull an explanation as they come.

And speaking of, sorry about the crap entry. I'm a little out of practice, and I needed to get something posted or risk losing momentum. I had a lot at steak and I thought a mini-rant would meat my needs, but alas! This sort of thing is rarely well done.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand... cut!

The Last Five:
I heard it on the radio - 27 July 2008
Happiness is... - 26 July 2008
Do bears shit in the woods? - 21 July 2008
Politics schmoliticks - 14 July 2008
words and pictures - 14 July 2008

Truth in advertising

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